Maria Alexander News and Updates from TheHandlessPoet.com

Last night, as I made my way toward Barham Road into Hollywood, about seven police cars came screaming up behind me. We all pulled over as they surrounded a black car just ahead. The officers jumped out of their vehicles with guns drawn. Helicopters roared overhead.

At that point, I ducked below my dash. I heard gunshots and hoped that no stray bullets would hit my windshield. The gunshots were followed by the sound of glass shattering. I peeked up over my dash and saw the officers run back to their cars and pull away after the black car.

I also noticed that not one goddamned person around me had ducked for cover. On the contrary, they were craning to see what was happening. A young woman was running on the street. One guy was shouting from a shop doorway to someone in their car, but he clearly didn't look alarmed.

What a bunch of ultra fuckwits live in this city. Did it just happen too fast for them to realize what was happening?

And as it turned out, a man wanted for attempted murder was in the black car. An officer shot out his window and injured him. Yet, he pulled away and drove all the way to Universal, where he was finally stopped and arrested.

Here's the news report with footage. At 1:13, my car is just behind the white car at the bottom right corner of the screen.

On The Huffington Post footage, the ABC newscaster even says "This could be an extremely violent situation." There was some question as to whether or not the Burbank police were using non-lethal bullets. It hardly matters. The bad guys always use lethal bullets.

I'm just glad they caught him.

Hello, everyone!

You Slut! Where Have You Been?
Please don't feel abandoned. I've neglected even Lord Arux for long weeks as I'm trying to wrap up the first draft of The Damned Novel. I've learned that, although I have a wonderful outline that I drafted three years ago, the ending isn't working. So, I've let my characters take over and you can imagine that they've made a mess of things. But not to worry! It's a very entertaining, delightful mess. I can't wait to share it with the world.

Multiple Genre Disorder
I've had some correspondence with the inestimable Michael Marshall Smith about the business challenges of writing in multiple genres. Do I go to ThrillerCon? Or Bouchercon? Or maybe some other literary convention? I don't know. What I do know is that, while the current book is traditional, the next two books involve some fantastic elements in a real-world setting. The next book will have mystery elements for sure. I grew up worshiping and reading Agatha Christie before I discovered horror and science fiction. In my mind, it only makes sense that these things weave together. And who is willing to represent a writer like that? Anyone? Bueller? Yeah.

Save the Dragon!
In the meantime, I've learned that the late Blake Snyder, who wrote the indispensable Save the Cat!, was a major consultant on How to Train Your Dragon. I'm touched to hear that director Dean DeBlois got a dedication to Blake put into the credits. If you had ever met Blake or had any interaction with him, you can vouch for what an amazing man he was and how much he surely deserved the recognition he's receiving even posthumously.

Stoker Stoking
Speaking of recognition, congrats to all of my friends who won Stokers this year: Sarah Langan, Lisa Morton and Chris Conlon. Hurrah!

I've Got Mahogany Hair Now. Deal With It.
In other news, my hair is no longer black. Um, this was a little bit of a surprise yesterday at the hair dresser.

ME: "I hate how this transition is going from black to dark brown. Also, I need the dead ends cut off. Blech."
HE HEARD: "It's time for a change."

And, um, yeah. It's different. And shorter. A lot shorter. It'll grow back. Or so I'm told. But the black is mostly gone. Miraculously, it's not fried.

More as soon as I can!

I know what you're thinking. "Did she just fire that gun an hour ago? Or yesterday?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a Lightning Gun, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would roast your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, Steampunk?



Photo by Aaron Vanek. Setting at Richard A. Becker's Steampunk LARP, February 20, 2010

Okay, it was more of a gentle squeeze to make sure there were no weak points in the bubble wrap that needed reinforcement, but I did pack Len Wein's Eisner Award this weekend for transport as Lord Arux and I helped him and his lovely wife, Chris, move for a bit on Saturday. They're finally returning to their house, which has been repaired since the fire.

It was a busy weekend...

"39 Regrets"
We'd headed over to help shortly after I'd heard from Chris Conlon that my light verse entitled "39 Regrets" had been accepted by the Alfred Hitchcock poetry anthology, A Sea of Alone. I'm especially pleased because I'd been inspired to write the poem the day before the deadline. That deadline has now been extended, so it's possible that I'll have another inspiration. By wild coincidence, just before this project was announced, I'd gone on a Hitchcock binge with Netflix, trying to catch up on the master filmmaker.

Welcome, Matt F'n Wallace!
Saturday night, we hopped over to say howdy with Christa Faust as we welcomed Matt Wallace to the 'hood. Much blood splattered the TV screen from the WEC as we chatted and snacked our way to better acquaintance.

Fuzzies Under Foot
Yesterday I bought a beautiful, handwoven rug for the bedroom at Angel Rugs downtown. The kitties immediately claimed it -- especially Robie, who chased Saphron off of it a couple of times. For those building their Cthulhu investigator-Steampunk-Victorian study, the furniture store across the street from the rug shop is an absolute must-see. The Victorian and Baroque-replica furniture is not only gorgeous but very reasonably priced. I drooled all over everything inside. But fear not, germophobes, as I'm sure they'll clean it up by the time you visit.

"You're Queen of the World!"
The Oscars did not disappoint except for the moment when they left off Farrah Fawcett from the 2009 death count. (Oscar FAIL.) Otherwise, wasn't it awesome to see Bigelow win Best Director? At the party we were at, there was then much "Yo, Cameron! Suck on this, swallow and keep it down!" If you can't tell, there weren't a lot of AVATAR fans in the room. It was very cool that Barbra Streisand had the honor of giving the first Oscar to a female director. Back in 1991 Streisand's PRINCE OF TIDES was nominated for 7 Academy Awards -- including Best Picture and Best Adapted Screenplay -- but not one of those were for Best Director. Some speculated that Streisand was overlooked because she was a woman.* We watched the whole thing amidst the happiness that is Devi Snively's living room.

And There's More
Was that it? Whew! I've not even blogged about our evening at the 24th Annual Awards for the American Society for Cinematography (here are some photos), or even the fabulous Steampunk game I played in the weekend before that. As they say, more when I can!


*Although, she was nominated by the DGA and the Golden Globes, which were arguably both important nominations.

Because the French are such terrible hedonists and decadent beyond belief, their scandals, of course, eclipse ours. They tremble over terrible things like...Carla Bruni appearing at a State dinner wearing a dress without a bra.

Yeah. Because they're SO effing loose over there.

If you're not catching my sarcasm, let me hand it to you. Like I've said before, it's an American myth that the French are sexually decadent. Carla Bruni not wearing a bra is considered a scandale -- so shocking that it made front page news on the Yahoo! news portal, where people are speculating how this will affect politics. They're even lamenting that the British tabloids have picked it up. Sarkozy's marriage to her was the gossip and scandal of the country. If you ask the average French person, they'd show you something a bit less than respect for Sarko's choice in mates given his position. The word "circus" would probably come up.

I suspect that this myth arose in conjunction with a fear that some Americans have of Socialism. It's as if they need to manufacture moral distinctions that just aren't there to make them feel more God-fearing and righteous compared to the "godless" Socialists. They would be hard-pressed to admit that French Catholicism played a big role in the renunciation of overly consumerist interests in the lives of French people and therefore in the development of their government. The righteous Americans have a hard time admitting the "godless" Socialists have a greater interest in helping the poor than they do. They'd rather feel that their God -- the one that blesses rampant Capitalism -- is better. That their economic system is therefore superior. Although, in most cases, they don't even know what a Socialist really is, but that's never stopped anyone from forming an opinion.

In my mind, that's the real scandal, the lack of education around various economic systems and how they arose. But shouldn't "No Child Left Behind" have taken care of that?

Yeah. Thought not.