Maria Alexander News and Updates from TheHandlessPoet.com

Lord Arux took me away this blissful weekend to a resort in San Luis Obispo whilst Robie got his purr on at The Best Little Cat House in Pasadena. On the trip up, we chatted, listened to a lot of music and choked to death on the hilarity of what he called "the funniest thing (he'd) ever read on the Internet." I found it on my iPhone and read it aloud, taking breaks to recover from eyes stinging with tears of hysteria.

He was referring to, of course, the description someone wrote of the Jar-Jar Binks lollipop where children were to suck on its retractable tongue.

Okay, I'm eating it now. Ewww. I am sucking on Jar Jar's wet red tongue and his plastic lips keep brushing my nose. This is vile.

I am not making this up. It's a real candy.

And it's probably the funniest thing I've ever read on the Internet.

The long trip with great conversation and music fired me up fiercely to write. It's time to do one last pass on Mr. Wicker. It's also time to incorporate the notes I've gotten on Out of Body. And I have to finish Thrilled! and maybe even just write G3. It's time for a lot of things.

But mostly it's time to move forward.

The editors of make/shift just let me know that the magazine won't physically be on shelves until early next week. I can't wait to stroll through Book Soup and see a copy, myself.

Has it been almost a week?

Bad blogger! Bad!

Normally I can take a break at work to write something, but lately I've been inexplicably slammed, running from fire to fire, responding to one urgent writing assignment after another. It's good to be wanted, but I've been in much higher demand than usual.

As for news: my article entitled "Dogma, Darth Vader and My Sexual Awakening" should be out any day now in make/shift Issue #5. I'm sure I'll be shouting about it.

I did manage to finish my taxes and get more work done on The Hunted script (I'll probably complete the first draft tonight). Meanwhile, Lord Arux took me to see Pippin, which was dated but thoroughly delightful. It was done with Deaf West Theatre in a very clever way: they had two Pippins. One was hearing and sang, the other deaf and signed. The show began with a magical act where the cast "sawed" the original Pippin into two people. I found the whole thing charming -- well, except for the fact that they cut out a key song, which left the ending feeling a bit non sequitur. (I had to ask Lord Arux, who explained.) Anyway, if you've ever seen the musical, you'll know what I mean when I say I'm goin' out like grandma. In this production, she had four hunky men in BDSM harnesses lurking under her skirt.

Meanwhile, back to the vamps and vampires. Should have a first draft of LOVE HURTS done tonight for The Hunted. Yeah, baby!

I'm buying James Kennedy's book, The Order of Odd-Fish.

I'm buying it entirely because of this blog post.

James Kennedy could quite possibly be the funniest man in America.

My name is James Kennedy—an aristocrat by birth; a dilettante, it has been said, by vocation; a saint, I trust, by merit. When I’m not flitting from piazza to piazza on my pink motor-scooter, or taking baths in boiling milk to keep my alabaster skin firm yet supple, I find time to bring LITERATURE to you, the common man...

Last night at some dismal hour as I was blissfully unconscious, my subconscious poured me a tall glass of champagne with a shot of absinthe in it. Death in the Afternoon, I believe is what Hemingway called it, although this was more like Death in the Middle of the Night. I suspect such a dream slipped in because a project I've been writing proposals for at Uncle Walt's has involved a 1920s theme.

Also, Lord Arux and I went to Disneyland on Sunday and I discovered that most of Disney's California Adventure is styled anywhere from Victorian gingerbread to 1920s midway. I hear that Disneyland, like Vegas, is only as fun as the people who accompany you. That said, we had a smashing time. I went three years ago with The Frenchman, who'd not wanted to go on any actual rides or do anything that suggested the word "Whee!" So, this was a major improvement.

Still writing. Wondering when the hell I'll produce something book length that is as publishable as my short stories. Happy that my hair is finally working its way back to Maximum Mane-age. If I had completely frivolous money, I'd spend it on hair extensions. I'm just that silly.