Maria Alexander News and Updates from TheHandlessPoet.com

Nov 29, 2007

Posted by Maria Alexander  # 12:35 PM

PSA: Fraud and Identity Theft 

It's been a few years now since this last happened, but once again Moe Ron in Unnamed Nearby City tried to apply for a credit card using my social security number, name and other information. I got the call from my credit card company's Fraud Protection Department last night because Moe Ron applied for a credit card with a company that already knew me. The company gave me a fax number to give the police when I filed my police report so that the credit card company could in turn fax them the subpoena with Moe Ron's address and other information to help bust the perp (that is, Moe Ron) in short order.

I called the local police department last night to ask if I should come in right away or if it could wait until the morning.

The police officer on the phone informed me that a crime hadn't been committed unless the person actually got a credit card and had started destroying my credit.

I said YEAH there's been a crime and YEAH it's reportable. When someone uses your SSN to apply for credit, it's called FRAUD. And that, last time I checked, was a crime.

She continued to contradict me. I then told her I'd been through this before. Twice. I know the procedure. She explained, well, then Miss Smartypants (not her exact words but definitely her tone) you need to bring in "documentation" proving that someone tried to use your SSN and name to apply for credit.

I explained that the credit card company would fax them the appropriate "documentation" once I filled out a police report. It was silly to wait for a letter from my credit card company.

Exasperated, I hung up, called Faust and yelled for about an hour. She very patiently and kindly listened until I was too wrung out to curse and complain any longer.

This morning, I dragged The Frenchman with me to the police station, where the stupid pills had apparently worn off. They took my report, gave me copies of the final, and told me detectives would call me within two weeks.

If any police officer tells you that it's not a crime for someone to use your name and SSN to apply for credit, ask to speak to their supervisor. They are at best misinformed, at worst lazy and ignorant. No matter what, they're definitely WRONG.

Incidentally, I sent an email to the Chief of Police about how uneducated and unprofessional that officer was about fraud. Hopefully he's been taking his blood pressure medication. And in the meanwhile, I've added a fraud alert to all three major credit organizations through Equifax and I've purchased their credit protection.

And that's the end of this public service announcement.

 

 

Nov 27, 2007

Posted by Maria Alexander  # 4:40 PM

Amazon: What a Maroon! Redux 

I wrote to Amazon again because I'm a masochist but also because I noticed that, on the blog entries under anthologies, they don't list blog entries by date. Whichever co-author posts first gets their blog post at the top, where it stays as other author blog posts pile up underneath. I wrote to Amazon Connect to suggest that they order blog entries by date, putting the freshest post on top like a regular blog. Here was their reply:

Greetings from Amazon.com.

Thank you for writing to Amazon.com with your comments about the way
Author Blogs appear on the product page for anthology titles.

At this time, authors of anthologies that are AmazonConnect members
will appear alphabetically by first name in order to avoid any type
of posting competition.

We appreciate your suggestion, however, and I'll be sure to pass
your message on to the appropriate department in our company for
consideration. Customer feedback like yours is very important in
helping us continue to improve the selection and service we provide.

Thank you for your interest in AmazonConnect.

Best regards,

Meegan M.
Amazon Connect
http://www.amazon.com/connect


"Posting competition"??? Are we, like, fifth graders trying to see who can post more than the other person? What the hell? And listing posts by "first name" is obscenely retarded, especially given that books aren't listed by the author's "first name." I wrote back to "Meegan M." explaining why this solution was lame in the head and insulting on top of it all.

Excuse me, but I gotta cut this post short because I need to get back to my "posting competition" with all you co-authors out there. Geesh!

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Nov 26, 2007

Posted by Maria Alexander  # 3:27 PM

Lott to Trot 

Okay, so you might have heard the news that Trent Lott is quitting as senate whip by the end of the year.

My source (I have a source!) who has a much more reliable source tells me that Lott is actually quitting because he's on the eve of another male escort scandal.

We're both going to be sad if this turns out to not be true.

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Nov 25, 2007

Posted by Maria Alexander  # 8:55 AM

"My, I Bet You Monsters Lead INteresting Lives!" 

We finally put the Softpaws on Robie. The results are pretty darned adorable.



I must say, the scene as it went down did mightily resemble Bugs Bunny giving the monster a manicure. Poor baby!

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Nov 14, 2007

Posted by Maria Alexander  # 7:02 PM

Strikin' Up a Conversation 

My pal Eric Wallace is the WGA Strike Captain over at Universal. Since I can't go join him or any of my many other friends* on the strike lines, I want to do my part to spread awareness about why they're striking.

The average Guild writer isn't rich by any means, and at any given time only half of the writers are employed. In fact, I make about an average of $20-30K more per year than they do, plus I have health insurance. The WGA writers took a pay cut back in the late 80s in order to help encourage the fledgling video market. It worked in spades. But now we've got DVDs and digital downloads, and they're not getting compensated for those sales -- especially not Internet downloads because the execs are claiming those are "promotional" and they're reluctant to state whether or not they're "profitable." These residuals they're asking for are critical to making a living.

If you don't believe me, listen to Joss Whedon.



So please watch the videos I've linked here and spread the news. Don't be an ignint jackass. Educate yourself and others!

Thanks!

*Please don't let a lack of credits fool you into thinking these people are not working screenwriters. They are. They just don't get an IMDB credit until the piece is either in post-production or is finished. And they don't always get a credit for what they write. Abbie, for example, wrote the first draft of The Mummy, as well as the initial drafts of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie.

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Saving Heroes 

In the November 16th issue of Entertainment Weekly, show creator Tim Kring fesses* up to the problems with Heroes that have made Season 2 abysmal. He seems to have turned around a bit from when he was interviewed at the end of October, if one can believe journalism at all.

The problem is that, in EW, he sometimes fingers the wrong reasons for the show's problems. He cites the romances as dragging down the story, but fails to note the numerous plot holes that crater each episode like a lunarscape. The romances are not bad: in fact, those of us who love Hiro get squishy inside thinking of our Favorite Co-Dependent Time Shifter getting a girl. The time Hiro spends in Japan is worth every moment -- unlike the time we spend with the dopey Tar-Eyed Twins. (This week's episode has a case in point: How could any reasonable human being assume they're responsible for the sudden death of an entire wedding party? So many things about those characters just don't add up at all.) I'm even a fan of Claire's teen romance, despite its Electra Complex overtones and highly suspect beginnings, because it gets into the idea of whether or not the future is changeable. I love that Claire's father is trying to avoid the future shown in Isaac's paintings while everyone around him is trying to change it for entirely different reasons. How many Heroes does it take to change the future of a light bulb? I'd like to get more into the physics and philosophy.

(My love of X-Men is peeking under my hem, eh?)

So, if I had his ear, I'd say, Tim, please fix the goddamn plot holes. Your Pulp Fiction approach didn't pan out as you noted. We spent weeks of WTF? waiting for what should have been the beginning of the season. And introducing Adam to Peter before the trip back to medieval Japan would have been infinitely more powerful. This week's episode (which was also riddled with plot holes) proved that it's so much stronger to build the story line linearly for this show.

And there you have it. A rant.

*Just thought I'd mention that "fesses" in French means spankings. And they are deserved here!

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Nov 5, 2007

Posted by Maria Alexander  # 9:07 PM

Beowulf: Please CSI the CGI 

I'm sorry I couldn't write about this sooner. I did see the press screening on Friday night at the IMAX at Universal Citywalk with Hedgebeast, but I wanted to talk to Neil about it first before I posted anything publicly and have one of his assistants find this review online. I remember when Neil started writing this script, so I also know how important it is to him...

I'll start with the story, which was itself very powerful, as the story always is. I loved what Neil and Roger did with it, keeping in mind that the Christian monks who preserved the tale probably edited out all the raunchy bits. We don't know what the raunchy bits were, but I think turning Grendel's mother into a seductress is a beautiful example of restoring the tale to something more like its original state. My heart broke for Grendel himself -- which isn't too weird considering I usually wind up feeling sorry for the monster, but in this case I think everyone can feel a bit of Grendel's torment as his simple head aches. I could dissect the father-son relationship dynamic stuff, but fascinating as that is to me, it might make you snooze. So, instead I'll just say that the characters, the jibes against the budding religion of Christianity, and even the raunchy songs were all wonderful and terribly apropos for this retelling of the Poem. The songs were especially terrific, from the ballads to the hilarious, bawdy chant of the Geats that brings Grendel (Neil and Roger wrote that one). Really great stuff.

As for acting, it's not quite fair for me to comment on Ray Winstone. We have a mutual friend and I had to shake him and another British friend of his at her party as they tried to follow me that night to Lair de Sade. The whole episode was so funny that I laugh whenever I see Ray. To say I enjoyed him as Beowulf was an understatement. He was so over-the-top blustery like he is in life that I loved Beowulf instantly. The acting all around was great...

...well, when I could tell, anyway.

And indeed I doubt that the acting ever wasn't good, as I absolutely adored the casting. As I was explaining to Neil, the problem was that the CGI and 3D technology was so problematic at times that it obscured parts of the story. For starters, the 3D caused constant ghosting, as well as side-to-side blurring that ruined any action sequence with movement in that direction. It all became one huge blur. The up and down motion, though, was crystal clear. So whenever Grendel leaped up and crashed down, it looked very impressive. The main action sequence with the dragon fight was breathtaking with the 3D, mostly I think because there wasn't much side-to-side movement. Neil suspects that we had problems with this because we were seated to the right of the screen. (He mentioned another position that was even worse.)

3D aside, the CGI never completely worked for me. You know that window of suspension of disbelief? Because the images vacillated from incredibly realistic to animated to somewhat flat looking, that window kept opening and closing rapidly. I was reading an article in Entertainment Weekly about how Zemeckis wanted to bring the technology of Gollum to the whole film. Unfortunately, this didn't succeed as well as Gollum in Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings. To me, while there were certainly some super cool scenes, there were a lot of moments where it couldn't shake that video game look.

So, on one hand it was a cool experience to get to see a 3D movie made with newish technology made by people I know and adore. But on the other hand, said newish technology was just not what I'd hoped. Still, this story really should be seen on the big screen. Maybe you'll luck out and get a center seat with a great view. Go early, get that seat, and tell me how it went. (And if this review makes you nervous, catch the matinée.)

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